Blog 438: Unplugged


As I am writing this I feel very disconnected to everything I used to enjoy and to everything I want to do. I feel that everyone is away from me, I feel that I am not how I used to be. I feel that I am different. I feel that things are strained. I feel that I am unplugged from the world and everything that is going on. I feel like I am disconnected from life and people around me. When I talk to people I feel that so many people are giving me different advice and it is hard to take. I don’t know whether to take one persons advice or the other because I don’t want to upset other people. I want to please everyone and make sure that people remain friends with me but all of their advice doesn’t agree with each other!

This is a mood that a lot of people feel, they want to be connected to something but they are scared of the commitment or they are scared of what people say about them behind their back. It is hard to keep on going when you are auto pilot and days just seem to fly by without really doing that much. They have a relationship with so many people but how many would they invite to their party-not many. They have friends but are scared about upsetting them. They have family but they don’t want to burden them with their problems and hardships. They have different people in their lives but feel unplugged in most of them-they are all very superficial without meaning to be. They try and keep on going but they will run out of energy at the end of the day.

I know I have friends and people that I am able to talk to but really when I see them how do I feel? Unplugged. I feel that I have many people that I can talk to but whether they are my friends is a different thing. This may be shocking to hear as I am a very outgoing person and I like to talk to people but honestly I don’t feel any ‘spark’ and feel that I am going through the motions to make the other person happy. I am putting on a face that shows that I am interested but I am not. I am putting on a face that I am happy but I am not. I am putting on a face to show that I have emotions but I don’t. I do try but I don’t feel good about myself. I am scared that I am so unplugged with the world that things happen and I don’t even know. I seem to be on auto pilot all the time which is a sad and lonely thing to do-I am trying to improve my feelings though!.

Believe me I want to have emotions and mostly I have negative ones so I try and block them out and get on with the things that need to be done that day. It means that I am on a level head all the time and so my emotions do not go up and down with everyone else and their emotions. Everyone at some point in their will feel unplugged-when they have lost touch with their family, they no longer talk to their friends, they are on holiday and don’t have WiFi, they dropped their phone down the drain. Most people will feel this at some point but some people like myself feel it all the time and they feel unplugged.

It seems that I feel unplugged from everything. I only get told things if I ask loads of questions. No one seems to offer information to me and I have to dig for it and then get accused of being nosy which I hate because I am just caring! I want to be plugged into life and I want to be able to talk to different people without having to go through the motions but it is hard. From being someone who talked to everyone now being someone who stays in their room is hard but I don’t want to reach out as I feel unplugged.

I may feel unplugged from the world and the things around but I am not unplugged from God. He does not move and He understand how I am feeling. He knows that I feel unplugged and He will help me to be able to improve and feel better about myself and the things around me. He can help you too if you let him and if you let Him into your life and inner most thoughts.

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