Blog 429: EUPD and PTSD

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No diagnosis should define me and no one should judge anyone because of a ‘label’ that they have been given by the doctors. No one should have the feeling that they are not understood because of something that life has dealt them. Being diagnosed with something is not fun and it can be very hard to keep going with life and to feel good when there is a diagnosis over you. EUPD and PTSD is a very hard thing to be diagnosed with and it is hard to keep going and to be able to explain to other people.

EUPD, also known as Emotional Unstable Personal Disorder, is hard to live with. Any personal disorder can be hard to deal with and can be hard to explain. EUPD can be different for each and every person and for me it can be the slightest thing that can set me into a mood. It can be the simplest thing from not having something in the cupboard to someone shouting or being annoyed with me. I can go straight to venting and getting annoyed or just going to my bed and sleeping it off. For most people they are able to sleep it off and to be able to feel better afterwards but for me I mull over it and don’t get over it for ages. I think of all the worst things and see what I did wrong and why I am the way I am.

EUPD can also send me into depression and sometimes it means that I want to end my life. It is not a fun thing to have for anyone and for those people that have trouble with depression EUPD is not the same. I am not saying depression is not bad it really is but EUPD can lead to not trusting people, not wanting to be around people and wishing I was dead. Most days I wish things were different and I didn’t have this problem but what I do know is that through this I have become a different person and I want to be able to help those people that go through depression, EUPD and PTSD and don’t get heard. It is really hard to talk about how I am feeling and how to put it into words and I don’t trust a lot of people so it is even harder to talk about it.

PTSD, also known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, can affect flashbacks, sleeping and concentration. PTSD can cause me to feel isolated and feel like I have no one to be able to talk to and I don’t like to be able to give someone else my burden and for them to worry about it. I find that I am defined by this label and it is not something that can be easily talked about and explained. A lot of people don’t want to talk about it and it is the same for me. There are things in my past that I don’t want to talk about and don’t want to relive but it does affect how I feel each and everyday. It is hard to live with these things in my mind but I know that it is important to be able to talk about it and to have someone that I am able to trust.

I know that through all of these labels there are people that don’t seem me any different and some that do see me differently but I am who I am and I can’t help that but I can get more people to understand me. I know that through all the things I have gone through God has helped me to get where I am today. He created me to be who I am and He will be there when no one else is. When I am lonely, He is there. When I am afraid, He is there. When I don’t want to share my burden, He will take it. He is there through the easy days but also the hard days. He is there when things do get difficult and when I don’t want to be around people He will still be there.

Just because I have ‘labels’ over my head He sees me as no different. God created me to be who I am and I know that I will become happy with who I am. I know that God will accept me for who I am and God will keep me going no matter what happens. I know that no matter what happens He will be there beside me and He will keep me close to Him and the love that He gives.

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