Have you ever been lost? Do you want to be found? There are many times in my life when I have just wanted to hide and don’t want to be found. I almost want to play a permanent hide and seek but without the seek bit. Through life I have picked up on other peoples feelings, I have wanted to keep everyone happy, I have wanted to be pleased with how people feel about me but that doesn’t always happen. I get lost in my own world, I get lost in my own thoughts, I get lost in my own head and it can be embarrassing. I like to be hidden in my own world, sometimes my own flat and sometimes my own bed but I always get found by my husband. He knows where I like to hide and He knows when I want space. He knows how to cheer me up, He knows when I need food and He always finds me and helps me to understand how I am feeling and to put it into words.
Most times I think about other people more than myself, I find it a really good thing that I care about other people and I want the best for other people. However, it does mean that I get distracted by other people and there wants and needs rather than my own. I forget about myself which sometimes I am proud of but sometimes all i need is ‘me’ time. I’ve been lost several times in my life, I’ve been lost in the supermarket, I’ve been lost at church, I’ve been lost on holiday. Now being 26 there are so many different places that I have been lost in but I have been found and mostly by my parents. There have been times when I have suddenly been lost and other times it has comes as a gradual process due to my life choices and how other people react.
Every time I have been lost I have been found by myself. I have become a better person than before, the journey is still hard and the journey will be but I am glad of the person I am becoming. I am glad of the journey that I have been through and the things life has thrown at me. I have been able to grow through the hard things and learn more things about myself. From how I was a couple of years ago I am more confident, I am able to stand on my own, my mental health has got better, I am able to do things that I wasn’t able to before and I am so proud of who I have become. I really feel that I have found myself in the last few years. I am a stronger person because of it and I feel that I am now able to cope with what life will throw at me.
I know that in years to come I will still go on a journey and I will still be learning more about myself. I will have to take time to learn more about myself and how to help other people. I have been found by myself and I am so grateful that I have been able to grow and develop to the person I am now. I never thought I would be a wife, I never thought I would be in my own flat, I never thought I would be able to go on holiday, I never thought I would be able to concentrate and I can. From being a child to who I am now I am so thankful for all those people that have found me and for all those people that have been with me through life’s ups and downs.
I have been through a lot in my life but I am so grateful for the way I have grown and for the things that I have been able to do. However, I was lost but now am found. I was sinful and now I have been healed. I was wrong but now I am write. I was evil and now I am good. I was a child of the devil and now I am a child of God. God found me when I was on my own, God found me when I was sinful, God found me when I had no one else to turn to, God found me to be part of my family. I am so thankful that I was found by God and He accepted me as part of His family.