Over the last few years I have had to deal with depression, anxiety, EUPD and PSTD and it has been hard, it has been hard to be on medication and not to really understand what my head is going through, it has been hard to look at other people and realise that there is something wrong with me, it has been hard to try and keep on going when all the medication does is just numb me, it has been hard to know that I am accepted for who I am, it has been hard to talk about my struggles, it has been hard o talk to people who have never experienced this before, it has been hard to open up but I feel that I am finally at a place where I can talk to other people and I can tell others that to get help that is needed can be hard and it is a big step to take but it was so worth it.
I can talk all I like about my mental health but at the end of the day it is what is best for you. I have been helped by different courses, by different tablets and by those people around me. It is so important that we have a good support network around you and to be able to talk to other people about how you are feeling. It is important thought to have people around you that you trust, don’t just talk to anyone and everyone about how you are feeling because they may not be helpful in your recovery journey. It is important to have a community around you, people that you can trust, people that you can rely on, people who have gone through a similar thing to you and people who understand and love you for just being you.
Its okay if people may not agree with you but if they know where you are coming from and supporting you then that is the main thing. Some things that have helped me has been going out for a walk each day, taking pills from the doctor and having an amazing family and now husband who helps me through each day. I have learnt that over the years some people will go out of my life, some people will not understand and some people will totally ignore me but you know what let them go. As much as it may be hard for you let them go, if they cannot help you in your worst time then should they really be there in your best time? To begin with it will be hard to let people go but also it will be good for your mental health journey and it will be good for you to help yourself feel better.
Over the years I have had to learn to be myself, I have had to learn how to deal with each day, I have learnt what it has been like to loose family and friends over not understanding my mental health. It has ben hard and the journey continues but you know what there have been so many people around me that have helped and have continued to help me through this journey that I am on. Let me be clear here though, as much as I love my family and those friends that have been good to me I would not have been able to get through this journey without Jesus and His total love for me. There have been different things that have helped, the courses have helped me to understand my EUPD and PTSD better, people have been around to talk to but Jesus has helped me more than anything or anyone in the world. My mental health is still here, I still struggle each and every day, I still hurt, I still have pain but He is still my rock and my support.
Jesus made me the person who I am today and He will help me through the net few days, the next few months and the years to come. Some days I have been so weak but He has made me strong, I have been tired but He has given me energy, I have been lonely but he has been my best friend, I have been struggling but He has calmed me down, I have been down in the dumps but He has lifted me from the pit. I know that through anything and everything I am able to come to Him and He will not leave me alone, people will come and go in my life but He will always be there. Depression, EUPD, PTSD, anxiety and so much more are not talked about as much as it should be and I want to be able to talk about it freely and I am not yet at that point of dropping my ‘labels’ into conversation but the time will come when everyone will understand but in the meantime I fully rely and trust in Jesus, His love and His salvation.
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