To many people a blowout may be when a child has a really full diaper and it has got everywhere but for me it is totally different. Have you ever held something in? Have you wanted to talk but have not been able too? Have to tried to talk but silence comes out? Have you tried to talk but no one understand? Have you tried to reason but no one was listening? This happens all the time and I know that it doesn’t just happen to me. There are so many people that get to the ‘end of their tether’ each day and I can totally understand. It is hard though if they are not able to speak about it and then several weeks or even days down the line they have a have a ‘blowout’. This not a physical diaper blowout but an emotional one.
We have all had children who have had a tantrum on us, they have wanted their own way and not been able to get it, they don’t think you are listening, they feel jealous, they don’t want to miss out. This is all part and parcel of having a child and being a child, it takes time to adjust and so does talking. Talking and communication is key in life and if we don’t do that then there will be a big blowout! I have had so many in my time both at home and now that I am married. It is not because I am a child but it is because I do not have good communication and find it hard to trust other people with my feelings and information. I find it hard to talk about what I am really feeling, to talk about what makes me sad, to talk about what makes me anxious, to talk about what ticks me off, to talk about what I am scared about. It is very easy to bottle things up but there will be a blowout at some point and that is both harmful for you and the people around you.
I have had emotional blowouts all my life, I was very young when I realised that I should not trust people, I have had to gradually develop that. I was young when I realised that not everyone is nice, I have had to learn it is how I react. I was young when I realised that I needed to talk about my feelings and this is one of the biggest things that I am still trying to do now and it is hard. As many of you know I am brilliant at talking, I have been told I can talk for England, but I don’t really talk about the serious things in life, I just try and laugh about things and brush them off but they are still in my heart and sometimes I just need to sit down with someone I trust to be able to get them off my chest. However it is hard, I don’t want to tell them that I still miss my grandad 9 years on, I don’t want to say how much it is a struggle to get through each day, I don’t want to say that my brain is in one place and my body in another. It is hard and can be difficult to get the right time to talk and be in the ‘mood’.
My blowouts can still happen even though I am now 27 but that is not because I don’t trust my husband but totally opposite, I don’t want my husband to have the burden of how I am feeling on His shoulders. I don’t want him to feel that I am not strong enough, I don’t want him to leave me for someone stronger, I don’t want him to think that I don’t have my life together. It is a continual balancing act of how to keep going but also how to keep talking about my emotions and keeping them in check. We all have emotions, we all have things we want to talk about, we all have things that have hurt us in the past, we all have things that we struggle with, we all have things that can cause us pain, we all have things that take forever to understand but that is part and parcel of life but not talking about it is not good enough, you need to feel comfortable talking to someone about your feelings and how you react to something before it is too late.
Don’t wait for a blowout to happen, catch it early and don’t let it eat you from the inside. Talk about the things that are bothering you and talk about them in a calm way. God knows how you are feeling and He knows what you are going through but sometimes it is better to be able to talk to someone close to you. God will be the only One that fully understands and fully accepts you for who you are but people here need to know how yo are feeling, they need to know before you have a blowout. It is not weak to talk about how you are feeling instead it is important and crucial before the blowout because to big and takes ages to clear up.