Over the last few weeks and months we have all had plans that have had to change, we have had to cancel holidays, move family gatherings to another date, have smaller birthdays, give birth to babies with no one around, put on face masks when we go out, we have all had to change plans and realise that life will not be the same as it used to be for a very long while. As much as we want to have control in life this period has shown us that we have no control and we do not know what is coming up. We have all made plans and knew that they may change but we never expected something like this and this large to happen to us. It has been a real shock to us all and something that at the beginning of the year we did not expect.
The biggest plan I had for this period of time was getting married, having my friends and family over from different countries and heading on honeymoon. That soon changed. I had done so much planning, I had lost sleep, I had shed tears, I had got annoyed, I had everything planned to the tinniest detail but in the end I did not need all of that it essentially was a waste of time. I did not need the car, I did not need the favours or the flowers, I did not need the photographer or the guest book, I did not need the dress or the suits, I did not need to gifts or the venues. I did not need anything because my wedding was not going ahead. No matter what things we put in place, no matter who was involved, no matter what plans I had made I did not need them as my wedding day did not happen.
I would like to say that we are on plan B but that is not the case, I have given up on planning, I have given up on my dreams and I have given up on the anticipation of guessing when we will now be able to get married. I don’t want to build my hopes up for them to be dashed again. I am too emotional for that to happen and now I am getting fed up of wanting and planning for things to happen and then they don’t. I know that throughout all of this the plans are for the best, I know that everything will work out in the end and I know that it will all happen but for the moment I have to ride out this storm and see the rainbow in the clouds. Sitting through this storm and the unexpected things that have happened have been hard and we just don’t know when this time will come to an end, we just don’t know when we will be out of lock down, we just don’t know when we will be able to get married, we don’t know when we will be able to see our loved ones again, we don’t know when we will be able to start back with our plans.
It is a hard and worrying time for us all and we do not know what the future will hold as many more people could pass away, many more families are separated, many more children are out of work, many more OAPs are vulnerable, many shops are closing and many people are on the front line. We do not know what the plan is to get out of this situation or even how to deal with it but we just need to sit it out. We need to know that our plans may have been dashed but in it all God has a plan for us and He will help us to keep on going. Only He knows what the future holds. We are confused by what is going on and why this is happening but we need to fully trust and rely on God that He is doing what is right for us no matter how hard this period of life is.
We will find the next few weeks and months hard but we need to know that through it all we can rely on God, we can put all our plans in place but as we have seen they do not happen. We can plan to be with family but that does not happen, we can plan to have weddings but that does not happen, we can plan to see friends but that does not happen and we will find it hard. It will not be an easy time for any of us but we can fully rely on God and know that He is in control.
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