New Year

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2020 is here and I can’t quite believe it. I can’t believe that this year I will be getting married, my brother will be getting married, my best friend will be getting married, my sister will be getting engaged, my best friend will be my bridesmaid, I will be turning a quarter of a century, my fiance will be one year of 30, I have been down south for 21 years, I have lived in my flat for a year! Life is flying by and I need to stop blinking and I need to stop living life at 100 miles per hour and I need to pause and live life. Life is going so quickly I don’t know which way to turn and where to place my head. It seems like when I settle into a routine or just dealing with life things seem to happen and the craziness of life hits me again!

I’m not going to put new years resolutions in place because I know that I will not keep them and to be honest there is no point in agreeing to do something when two days later I break it. I honestly don’t see the point in them unless you really want to change your lifestyle for a long time and you know that you will be able to stick at something. This new year is going to be full of so much adventure, so much love and so much laughter. I look forward to being more mentally healthy. Last year was painful with so much going on, with arguments, with feuds, with pain but I want this to be different. I want 2020 to be a year where I can look back and think that I lived my best life and I was happy with what I was able to achieve and the things that I was able to do.

This year all I want is to be happy with who I am, happy with the people around me, happy with my life, happy with getting up, happy with working, happy with church, happy with my friends, happy with family, happy with relationships, happy with the support around but most of all happy with the person that God has made me. I want to be happy in my own skin and to be able to start being me again and the joyful person I once was with my mojo back and the love of life back into my body. A couple of years ago I was happy with the person that I was and who I wanted to be and I want to get that back, I want to be the bubbly, joyful person that I once was, not the depressed, sad person I have been for the last couple of years.

2019 was a very hard year and so much sadness and hurt happened that I don’t want it again this year. I don’t want there to be arguments, I don’t want there to be sadness, I don’t want there to be hurt, I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to be anxious, I don’t want to feel sad. I want to be happy with the things around me. At the moment I am happy with the way my life is going and am happy with how everything is going on. I am in a much better place physically, emotionally and mentally that I want to keep it that way and I will do everything that I can to be able to keep my self in a good place. I will keep reaching out to people who need help, I will keep telling the right people about my feelings and will keep waking up each morning with new blessings in my head.

Life can be hard and it can be difficult but I know that God will lead and guide me, He will help me to be the person that He wants me to be, He will help me with the relationships around me, He will help me to become more like Him, He will help me to be better at the things I do. I praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I praise Him because He knows what He is doing. I praise Him because I know He will look after me. I praise Him because He is the great healer. I praise Him because He will give me energy. I praise Him because He knows what He is doing. I praise Him because He knows what the future will hold.

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