This Roller Coaster

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I have realised that a lot of people have been reading my blogs and I can’t believe that my blogs are going all across the world and lots more people are reading my blogs. I am so blessed that so many people read about my life and I hope that you are able to understand what living with depression and EUPD is like. It is not to show you how to live but to just give you an insight into life with these ‘labels’ over this life. Many of you don’t know who I am but have read my blogs and it is amazing the support I have been given throughout this journey and I hope that I can now help other people with their feelings and what they are going through.

I am a 24 year old girl who has been recently been given the diagnosis of EUPD, PTSD, depression, low mood and anxiety. How many ‘labels’ can one person be given. It has been a shock to live everyday with these words over my head and it is hard to be able move on in my life but I am trying. You may wonder why I have these labels and without going into it too much and throwing people under the bus my start in life wasn’t the best. Things happened that I would never wish on my worse enemy, things happened to my family, things happened which I could stop, things happened which I didn’t understand, things happened which no child should ever have to go through but I went through it.

It changed my life, and not really for the better, and I am trying to get my head around it and to keep on going with my life. My life since then hasn’t been the best, it has been hard work, it has been emotional, it has been like a roller coaster, it has been blood, sweat and tears. Would I change it? No. That may surprise you but this life has changed who I am as a person, it has made me better, it has made me into a fighter, it has shown who supports me, it has shown who loves me, it has shown who will help me through this roller coaster, it has shown how I want to feel, it has shown what I want my future to be like, it has shown how I want to treat my children, it has shown how I want my children to feel when they grow up, it has shown how I want my future to be, it has shown how I can trust God, it has shown that labels shouldn’t matter, it has shown that we shouldn’t be defined with what the doctors tell us.

Life has been hard and emotional but I would not have it any other way. I have been through the mud and have come out messy but again I would have it no other way. I have been through tears but my eyes are dry. I have dropped blood but I am clean. I have sweated but come through dry. I have been starving but have come out full. I have been angry but come out calm. I have been sad but come out happy. I have been stressed but come out peaceful. I have been tired but come out rested. I have been put down but come out on wings. I have been out but come home. I have been bullied but come out stronger. I have been quiet but come out with my voice. I have been in pain but come out healed. I have been labelled but have come out with no labels. I have been sick but come out better. I have been questioning but have come out understanding. I have been confused but have come out understanding. I have been different but have come out unique.

How do I know this? I don’t need to listen to world and what people or the world has to say about me but what God calls me. I don’t need to listen to what people call me because I am God’s child. I don’t need to listen to what people say about me because I have Gods voice to listen too. I don’t need to listen to how people view me because Gods view only matters. I don’t need to listen to people saying that I am too quiet because God knows what I am feeling in my heart. I don’t need to listen to people saying that I shouldn’t eat anymore because God gave us His word to feed us. I don’t need to listen to people saying that I am over stressed because God gave me peace in my heart. God knows who I am inside out and I don’t need to listen to the world and their view on me when God only matters.

 

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