Blog 29: I’m messed up

Over the last few weeks and months I have been feeling really down and messed up. I don’t know why this has happened and why things happen but I do know that I am a messed up person and things have gone wrong and will continue to go wrong. Most of the time I don’t know what is going on with my life and why I am here but deep down I know that my life has a purpose and I am meant to be here to carry out whatever that purpose is. I know there is so much to live for but sometimes I wonder what the point is to life.

I know that there are so many people out there who are messed up with family separations, divorces, bereavement, job fails, illnesses and I know that I am not in those categories but sometimes I wonder why I am so messed up. I know I have spoken about this before but I think it must be due to my beginnings and moving from home to home, house to house, family to family, not being accepted by different people but most recently not being able to trust anyone for anything.

I like to think that I am a nice, normal person but the real truth is that I am messed up, sometimes I don’t know which way is up, where I am going, where I am coming from and who to speak to about different things who won’t gossip and who won’t talk to the world and his wife about it all. I’m glad to know that there is so many people who ‘feel messed up’ and who can’t cope with life but it is a really sad thing.

I read an article the other day that said the most loneliest type of people are the young people-why? The young people have all this modern technology and social media with so many ‘friends’ that they should be really happy and that they should be able to live a life to the fullest. That is the problem though, social media is trying to control their lives and to have a full insight into their lives that didn’t happen about 15 years ago. I know I am not the only one that feels this way but it is really sad to see what our country is coming too.

With so many people feeling ‘messed up’ a number more people walk away from those people and don’t want to have anything to do with them. They would much rather concentrate on their lives and making sure that they are good rather than helping someone in need. It’s sad to know that so many people loose friends and family members because they are unable to cope and because they need help rather than abandonment.

For me with my friends and some family members turning their back on me it is hard but I know that God is better than any of those people and God will help me to continue on with life in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to him. I know that He accepts me for who I am and He will never turn his back on me.