The summer has come and gone which means the insects have gone too. The main insect I miss in the winter is the delicate, small and beautiful butterfly. I find them amazing and such a small creature but makes such an impact on the summer months. It’s amazing to think that the average butterfly only lasts about three days! When I see a butterfly I see the delicateness and beauty of it but one day that beautiful creature used to be an ugly, fat caterpillar. Sometimes I feel that I am a butterfly, I feel that I am changing to be the person that God wants me to be.
As a caterpillar can do whatever it wants and whatever it pleases that was me when I was younger. My first few years I had no boundaries, I had no rules and I certainly didn’t have anyone looking out for me. I was able to do what I wanted, eat what I wanted and be who I wanted to be. I had no one to protect me and I had to learn to do that myself and to be able to keep an eye out for my back and to make sure that I didn’t get hurt.
I sucked all my energy into being kept alive and to keep going that I was not sure about the things around me and whether they were right or wrong. I went into a cocoon and tried to keep on going with my life. I was still aware of the things around me but I was drifting away into a dark place. I didn’t really have a clue what was going on but knew I needed to keep my energy levels up to keep on going. I knew that I would come out of my cacoon at some point. I began to live on auto pilot hoping that something would happen. I trusted no one, I had no faith, I really had no family and I certainly didn’t have any friends.
Over the years, with a lot of help from mainly family but also friends and faith I have been able to come out of my cocoon. I have been able to move forward with my life and live my life to the fullest and I would not have been able to do that with people around me who love and accept me for the person that I am. It has been hard to come out of my cocoon and I have lost friends, my family have despaired and I kept closing myself away from everything and everyone who was good for me. I am hoping that I am turning into a beautiful butterfly with those who love me around me.
Just as a butterfly finds life hard I have and will continue to. Life isn’t an easy path to be on and it only get harder the older I get. I know though that with my faith, family, boyfriend and friends life can only get easier and I need to trust that God who got me this far will continue to lead me. I know that some people will find life hard and some people may be going through their caterpillar or even cocoon moment at the moment but don’t push away those people who really do love and care for you.
I know that whatever the future holds it will be for my good and that God will continue to guide me through. He will help me, He will encourage me and He will put people around me who will be a blessing to me and I hope that I will be a blessing to them too.