Blog 5: Singleness

‘You’ll be next to walk down the isle’, ‘in 5 years time that could be you with a baby’, ‘in a year you could have boyfriend’, ‘you’ll be next to get married’, ‘their younger why aren’t you like them’, ‘your beautiful why aren’t you in a relationship’, ‘when you have children’, ‘what are you going to call your children’, ‘how many children will you have’,’your the only single person here’, ‘don’t you have anyone for new years eve’, ‘you don’t have a date for valentines day’, ‘don’t you have a plus one’, ‘when I was your age…’ All of these comments make me feel worthless and not good enough. It is like a dagger to the heart, rubbing salt into a wound.
I look at so many people around me in a relationship, newly married, baby here or on the way and feel that I should be them and why aren’t I? I wouldn’t call this being jealous I would call it be envious and why I can’t have the same closeness with someone as so many other people have. I’m not going to lie and say that I find it easy being sinlge but I find it really hard. I suppose over the years my trust has been broken so many times that I have kinda given up and don’t really believe that I am good enough to be able to have a relationship or get married and have a closeness with someone. I have got to the stage that I would rather not see some people because it feels that they have got their life sorted and I am not able to.
Night after night I dream about certain things, day after day I mull over things that I shouldn’t be worried about but that’s me and I do. I have dreams about my future and if what I want never happens, if my dreams are tricking me, if they are actually nightmares, if I am wishing too much and not trusting enough. I suppose that is what I am doing! I am trying to plan my life around things that I want and things that I think I deserve and not things that God has planned for me and things that He wants me to do. I need to believe that He will guide me not just my life now but my future and what that holds, whether that is a future on the mission field, spouse or no spouse, children or no children, I need to rely on Him 100% and not part of me.
I think its ok to try and think and plan about the future. There are so many things that I think I should have and need that so often I put God to the back of my mind and it shouldn’t be like that. I know that God will do what is good for me and He will help me. I’m not gonna lie and say that life is easy and we will go through life with no hardships. It is plain toughwill be surprised. How can I not think about it when this is something that I would really like and hope to have one day. Again I am putting my thoughts about me before what God wants.l I have to believe that God knows all about me and he will help me. He will help me to trust again. He knows the plans he has for me and He will help me in these days and days and years to come.
I know for me that God is leading me out to Colombia but is that with a spouse or not I don’t know. What I do know is that God will guide and help me to be able to make the right decisions. I would love to have someone on the mission field with me and God knows that and He will help me in all things. He knows what my plan is but I don’t and I have to trust and lean on Him. Some days I think I know it all and these are the days that I struggle more to be able to trust Him. All I can say is that wherever I go and whoever I will be with God will guide me and that other person if that is what He has planned for me.
For all those single people out there I get how you feel and how you want to feel, I get that you want to have a future, I get that you dream about things, I get that you feel hurt by somethings that people say to you, I get that some comments may be tricky, I get that being single is hard. But my dear friend you are in this situation now but trust that God is above all things and He has the best plan for you. It may not feel like it right not but believe me He does. Someone may come into your life without you even thinking about it and to you it may come as a surprise but to God it doesn’t. God may have set you for a single life and thats good too. You will be able to do things that families can’t and won’t be able to do. In the world being single may not be right and weird but in God’s Kingdom all are accepted and all are chosen by Him. You may find it hard being single but wasn’t Jesus and didn’t He have an amazing life?
For those people that are married please nurture those single people. They need you as much as you need them. You were once them and you know what they are feeling. For those with children help the single people to see children as a blessing and don’t keep mentioning that they could be next, they may not be. Look out for those single people on days in the year when being a couple is a big thing, protect those single people from jumping into something that may not be good for them. Most of all pray for those single people that they may find a godly spouse and if that is not God’s will for them that they would be content with being a single person in this very couple-minded world. Lets just be careful about what we say and how we act to each other.
If you are single and have a crush on someone that’s ok too but whatever you do make sure that He is a godly man/ women and if that’s sorted then wait for God’s timing and don’t rush. I totally believe that God will lead you together in his time. You would much rather have the right timing than to rush into something that is not good for you. Most all though pray that God would lead you to the right spouse and vice versa. Whether single, married, busy with a family or a career person God is interested in you and He will hlep you through whatever stage of life that you are going through. God doesn’t have favourites and you as a single person are just as important to him as all the families and couples out there.